Here is an exerpt from the book 12 Steps for a Recovering Pharisee (like me) by John Fischer:

Jesus caught the Pharisees at the heart of their evil scheme just as he catches us at the heart of ours. There's a delicate balance here. The pharisaical goal is to make the commands of righteousness just easy enough for me to follow, but too difficult (or irrelevant) for almost everyone else. That will allow me to look pretty good while leaving me plenty of people to judge.

Too bad the Pharisees couldn't have seen that Jesus was also giving them a chance to know something wonderful-the mercy of God. Only when justice has forced someone to realize their guilt can the mercy of God come into play. God sets us up for his kindness by hitting us hard with his impartiality. We are all guilty; we can all have mercy. Or as Paul states it, 'The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more.' (Romans 5:20)

Yet here's the rub: even after hearing about God's mercy, I still err by choosing mercy for me and justice for everyone else. I like the idea of God having mercy on me because I am an exceptionally nice guy. I deserve mercy. But all those scoundrels out there who cheat on their wives...no way!! It's justice for them!

Why did your Lord not answer those who charged Him with villiany? Others do, yet He did not. It was because He understood the fundamental nature of a crucifixion: Those present give no value to your answers. Those present are not there to hear; they are there only to turn your words against you, regardless of what you respond. At the actual time of a crucifixion, all issues are long past the point of reasonableness.

In His case, an answer given would have been heard only by ears of hate. There is not a sentence in the lexicon of men that would have been accepted that day. His words, had He spoken, would have been twisted and hurled back at Him. The simplest utterance would ahve been seen as irrefutable proof of His guilt. Your Lord could not have spoken an acceptable word that day.

It is perhaps an error in reasoning to believe discussion, facts, logic or Scripture are of any weight at such moments. Recrimination is the order of the day. Hearts are fixed. Punishment is inevitable.

Proof of this state of mind came when, at last, He did speak. How simple can a sentence be? 'It is as you say.' But to the ears of His enemies that small word was enough to justify crucifying Him.

Learn this well: Defense is useless in a crucifixion. Yet remaining quiet is virtually impossible. Find that Life in you which can provide all you need, in all aspects of the cross. Again, that Life knows how to take you through a crucifixion.

God and angels must have stood in awe of such dignity in the presence of such rejection. Calm. Silent. Thunderously silent. He raised the standard of the conduct of one being victimized to breathtaking new heights.

I feel like the Summer 2009 was the year I spent most of my time in the devil's cross-hairs. He has stopped at nothing in his attempt to render me useless and utterly ruined. He has used friends, family, enemies, co-workers, superiors, subordinates, acquaintances and just about everyone in my life to whittle away at my resolve and destroy me. Many of these people had no idea they were part of a larger, evil plan of our mutual enemy. Friends have rejected and deserted me; confidants have betrayed me; employers have misled me; all told, this summer has been the summer from the devil's abode!

I wish I could say I have come through it with stronger faith and a new resolve to 'bear Christ's shame'. Truth be told, though, I have come through it (I'm not sure we're actually through it yet) battered, torn, beaten and weak! I praise God EVERY DAY for a wonderful, WONDERFUL wife who patiently walks with me every step of the way, praying for me. Many times when I don't even have the strength to pray she picks up the slack for me!!

I'm exhausted! Frankly, my very faith was shaken to its core this summer. I walked precariously close to giving up altogether (I know, Christians aren't supposed to even think such things and definitely not admit them)! I'm not sure I can take much more! Period!! I'm afraid of the next blow; the next attack; the next betrayal. I'm afraid it could be the proverbial straw which broke the proverbial camel's back!

Please pray for me/us. Pray for my faith. Pray for my relationships (marriage/children). Pray for my ministry. Pray for my spiritual health! I have barely an ounce of strength left and I SERIOUSLY need some reprieve!